Let's try this again ..

Part 1 - life in this body

I love coffee.  It doesn't love me.

It is a performance enhancing drug injected by people who need it, usually in the groggy morning hours.

I am no exception, though in my case I drink more than most people, probably 3-4 cups at that hour.

And if I am dragging after lunch, I will consume 2 more cups.  That's six total and that's a lot; that's too much.

Now my insomnia is also a legend at this point.  Several times I have stopped coffee consumption after noon to stop my body's habit of awaking at 2:30-4:00 AM and taking 1.5 to 2 hours to get back to sleep, often with the help of melatonin and/or tylenol and/or omeprazole (aka Prilosec).  And a lot of fuzzy water (Poland Springs carbonated water) to get up the gas, which is DEFINITELY the problem.

But I also have GERD, independent though not helped by my coffee consumption.

In fact, not much is helped by my coffee consumption except for a quick and critical mind in the morning hours.  In my job, that does come in handy.  But it also makes me argumentative and a sibling rival of almost everyone who speaks or moves.  Truly, there's an aggression there that's NOT there without it.

So today, Christmas Eve Day, 2012, I stopped coffee once again.  I had hot chocolate for breakfast (yeah I know there's caffeine in that) and so far, no headache.  But headaches will come; I've done this before.  And then they will cease and a different energy - my REAL natural energy, will take over.

What happens in my case is that, even though I am awake and alert, my body is exhausted and rebels against this forced routine through my emotions and interactions.  Not good.

Would I be a completely wonderful social creature without the caffeine?  Probably not, but it wouldn't hurt to try.

Part 2 - to get spiritual

People want to hear of an exemplary life when someone cites their faith and there are lots of spiritual truths and lessons I've gleaned from this long struggle and balance.  

Suffice it to say that divine health is not a state described in scripture; it's the invention of those who have turned blessing into codified pride.  But struggle IS in scripture, so I guess I have that in common with all who have ever named Jesus as Lord in their life and endeavored to surrender as I have.  

There is no end to the discrimination, disqualification and discrediting of the weak by the strong, the challenged by the "victorious", etc.  But that is ALL comparative thinking and as the thought goes, we really don't know what it's like to walk in another's shoes.

I just want to love more, forgive more and be able to give more of myself to those who need it and to those whom it will really help.  That's what I'm calling obedience and victory.  I read it that Jesus had something to say about that as well.